A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Brunei...

Hair toss, check my nails... via GIPHY Not that I actually think I'm dying anytime soon, but I thought it would be a good time to do a Bucket List. Yes, I'm corny, I know. But! Hear me out! I thought it would be a good way to really think about the things I truly want to do in life.  Some are not surprising at all - travel, visit friends, eat good food.  Some are a little surprising - learn to play the ukulele, scuba dive. Some are seriously WTF - sensory deprivation chamber? Take shrooms? If you want to see the complete list, check it out here . And if you can think of things I might want to add, leave a comment!

 I told the AI image generator on Canva to create an image of an "African-American woman dancing on a beach." The first couple weren't bad. Then it got weird. Then I asked DALL-E to do the same: I guess I'm supposed to be half-naked when I dance? Anyway.... Here's my bucket list! Tell me what I should add. Go to Dubai Go to Thailand again Go to India and visit Amanda and her family Go to China again and visit Eoin and Clea Go to Mexico City again Go to Ecuador Go to Hawaii Go to Puerto Rico Learn to play the ukulele Get SisterLocks Try a sensory deprivation chamber Yoga and meditation retreat Road trip to lower 48 states More tattoos! Scuba dive Hike a nature trail Visit the redwoods Get married Start a podcast Make money from one of my blogs/podcasts Make more quilts, especially art ones Take art classes Take singing lessons Fly first class internationally again Attend a concert comfortably Get a personalized perfume Do a Rage Room Learn to belly dance Drive a ra...

In case you were wondering, the ribbon color for bile duct cancer is kelly green. I hate green. Whenever I thought of how I'd die, I always assumed it would be from complications from diabetes, or high blood pressure, or some crazy accident. I knew both of these conditions ran in my family, so it seemed pretty natural that one of them would do me in.  As far as an accident, well I do travel a lot so why not? As I've gotten older, however, I'm learning how many people in my family have had cancer. An aunt with breast cancer. Another aunt with brain cancer. Thyroid cancer. Colon cancer. Ovarian cancer. Apparently, my family is riddled with cancers.  What the fuck. Not that I could have done anything differently, but fuck. The most irritating part is, I'll have this hanging over my head for the rest of my life. Once you have cancer, you always have it, even if you go into remission. You always know it's possible. You always know it's lurking. It's always. Fucki...

  I swear, it's the only thing I've been able to visualize since I first heard about the Whipple Procedure. I thought of several songs to name this post..."Cuts Like a Knife"..."The First Cut is the Deepest"...and of course the theme song for the toy "Operation!". I just scheduled my surgery at UCSF for August 16th. I'm going to go throw up now.

  I should have given her grey hair, LOL I've been doing way too much internet surfing/information gathering lately, and it has me pretty down. That tends to be my default mode when faced with a situation I know little or nothing about (and yes, that's why I seem to know so much about so many things - I have a fucking database of useless information in my brain).  However, it is NOT a good idea with cancer, especially a cancer like this. You start reading statistics and treatments and side effects and longevity odds and you go down a rabbit hole of sadness and scary shit and your brain starts cycling through all the bad.... It's a very not-good place to be. But one way to get out of it is to write about all the things you're grateful for. I hate this.  It's a good idea, don't get me wrong, but it is SO uncomfortable. I can do a mental list, easily, but a written one? Yeck.  But I'm doing it. 20 things I am grateful for, in no particular order: Friends Family...