yeah I know, wrong song, but you know what I mean. via GIPHY Hi all. It's been a while. A little more than a year. Which, I guess, is pretty decent with this cancer. Oh, yeah. According to my scans, it's back. Yay. And, because it's relatively rare...I have to return to the US for treatment. Joy. Beyond measure. Back to the land of the Mango Mussolini/Decaying Cheeto/Assaulter-in-Chief. Yeah, I know I'm lucky. I still have Medi-Cal. I can still get treatment. I still have a place to live in California. I still have the support of my friends and family. I'm still healthy enough to withstand the treatments. For now. But I'm really, really sad. And so fucking angry. Because I got one year. ONE YEAR. To live my life on my terms. One. Fucking. Year. And I'm scared. So damn scared. Because who knows if I'll get the chance again. Or if I'm stuck in this cycle for the rest of my life...however long that is. This disease has a less than 20% 5-year surviv...
via GIPHY No, really, I'm fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine. Hi, it's me. I'm okay. I'm not glad to be returning to the US. Or to be losing out on SO MUCH MONEY. Or that my cancer is back. I'm REALLY not glad about that. But...I'm okay. I've stopped crying every day - I'm down to every 2 or 3 days! Progress! I've started digging into some old music I used to listen to - Meshell Ndegeocello, Linkin Park, Matchbox 20, Jason Mraz. It's been fun. I've gotten almost everything packed - just need to do laundry the morning of my flight, and I'll get those few bits packed. I had to buy another suitcase for the odd bits I decided to bring back. (My company is going to reimburse me for the extra baggage fees - they're SO awesome!) I land Monday night, I have doctor's appointments on Tuesday and Friday, and I start chemo on Monday the 15th. They are NOT playing around. They're trying new meds, including immunotherapy. Let's ...
The sad part is over...but it's a new beginning!!! via GIPHY Well, guys, it's all over. Sort of. My PET scan came back clear...but I do have to do surveillance scans every few months for the next few years. This type of cancer has a very high recurrence rate, and a heartbreakingly low 5-year survival rate (about 18% for the stage I was at). So I will have to keep checking up on it for the rest of my life. But no matter what... I still have hope. I still have joy. I still have few, if any, regrets in my life. And I'm STILL GOING TO BRUNEI!!!!! via GIPHY Yes, the doc has given me the full ok to go! I have my ticket, leaving on April 2nd, and I'm in the process of going through my things to decide what to take, what to store, what to give away and what to throw away. Basically, the same thing I do every time I move to a new country. I am absolutely THRILLED! I can't even tell you how happy I am. I probably won't continue this blog, but there's a decent chance...
Comments
Post a Comment